12 Tips for Overcoming Social Anxiety

You may have social anxiety if you fear being in certain social settings or situations, such as attending large parties or being in crowds. People with social anxiety have a severe fear of doing something embarrassing or of others judging them. How do you get rid of social anxiety? Identifying triggers and challenging yourself are ways to deal with and overcome these uncomfortable feelings.

Some of these tips may help, but it's important to talk to a healthcare provider if your social anxiety interferes with your everyday life. Read on to learn how to overcome or cope with social anxiety and when to contact a healthcare provider.

What Is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is one of the most common mental health concerns. Social anxiety disorder involves a fear of social situations and may cause anxiety symptoms when you eat, speak in front of others, or meet new people. You might be scared of others negatively evaluating or judging you. People who are socially anxious might think things like, "Everyone thinks I'm boring," or "This person finds me unattractive."

While it's common to experience anxiety in different social settings at times, that is different than a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder, which has to meet certain diagnostic criteria (i.e. lasting for a specific duration of time, causing significant distress, and more).

This anxiety can also present physiologically. Symptoms of social anxiety disorder include:

• Blushing
• Excess sweating
• Nausea
• Trembling
• Trouble talking

These symptoms can be so profound that they go on for days or weeks before the social situation occurs. Social anxiety can make it hard for you to go to work or school and maintain friendships, and also lead to someone avoiding social situations altogether.

1. Avoid Alcohol

Alcohol and parties generally go hand-in-hand. It's common for people with social anxiety to want to have a few drinks, as alcohol might seem like a way to help you feel less inhibited.

Relying on alcohol to relax can become a problem. You might need more and more alcohol to reduce anxiety if you build up a tolerance. The more uninhibited you become, the more likely you are to behave in ways that will only add to your social anxiety later on.

Relying on alcohol, while seemingly helpful in the short term, can often make social anxiety worse since it acts as a quick fix and doesn't allow you to build the necessary coping skills. In other words, avoidance worsens anxiety long-term.

2. Challenge Yourself

Challenge yourself to attend a party, no matter how much you want to retract your RSVP. It takes time, but the more social situations you put yourself in, the more comfortable you are likely to feel. One way to force yourself to go is to invite a friend along. They can hold you accountable and get you through the door if you are having second thoughts.

3. Counter Negative Thoughts

You may feel self-conscious in social situations and believe that others will judge you. One way to alleviate social anxiety is to counter negative thoughts, which reinforce your fears. Identify thoughts like, "People will think I'm stupid," and then label the thoughts as negative.

People with social anxiety often magnify negative thoughts and assume the worst will happen. Try thinking about these thoughts logically. Ask yourself why people at the party would think you are stupid. Maybe you think they will judge you negatively if you are trembling and have difficulty talking.

Look for evidence that proves your negative thoughts wrong. Is your assumption based on truth, or are you assuming what others will think? Would you think the same thing about someone else if the tables were turned? You'll want to then replace these thoughts with positive or neutral ones like, "I will have interesting conversations with new people."

4. Identify Triggers

It might be helpful to pinpoint what triggers your social anxiety to help treat it. Common triggers include:

• Dating
• Eating or drinking in front of people
• Going to job interviews
• Meeting new people
• Public speaking
• Using public restrooms

Try keeping track of when you are anxious. Make a note of the situation, including what you were doing, where you were, and your symptoms. You can best address social anxiety when you know what triggers your symptoms.

5. Meet New People

Only talking to a couple of people who you already know does not address social anxiety. You do not have to introduce yourself to every partygoer, but it might help to branch out and meet new people. Set a doable goal: Introduce yourself to three new people and have a five-minute conversation with each person.

It does not have to be three new people, of course. You could aim for just one new person, depending on how severe the social anxiety is. Setting a goal before you arrive at the party gives you something to focus on and feel good about when you meet it.

6. Plan Ahead

You might panic about not having anyone to talk to at an event or not being able to have a conversation. Come prepared with a handful of topics you feel comfortable talking about. You might talk about the last movie you saw or the book you read.

Another idea is to rehearse a few introductory lines in front of a mirror or with a friend before the party. This will help give you an idea of how you would initiate a conversation. Ask questions when in doubt at the party. Talk to people about themselves or ask them how they know the host.

7. Reach Out to Others for Support

You might feel less alone in your fear if you talk to others about it. Reach out to trusted friends and family, who can help you reframe your negative thoughts and provide compassion and support.

Some people find support groups to be helpful. Other people with social anxiety can share how they cope with their fears. You might learn new ways to overcome your own negative thoughts. These groups are available in person or online.

8. Recognize Symptoms and Avoidance Behaviors

It's tempting to tell the host that you just remembered a prior commitment on the day of the party. Ditching plans, however, is likely to make your social anxiety worse. You might feel relieved when you avoid social events. That relief only reinforces your avoidance behaviors, making your symptoms worse.

Recognize social anxiety symptoms: You might blush, have a rapid heart rate, or tremble at the thought of going to a party. Reassure yourself that these symptoms are a normal reaction to the negative thoughts but that your mind has likely distorted these fears. Challenge yourself to attend the party instead of avoiding it.

9. Take It Step-By-Step

You do not need to overcome social anxiety immediately. Know that it'll take time to learn how to cope with your fears, and take it step-by-step. Choose goals that make you a little bit uncomfortable but do not make you panicked.

Aim to talk to one new person at a party, for example. Maybe you can talk to two new people at the next party. The more you see that talking to new people is not as difficult as you anticipate, the more it desensitizes you to your fears.

10. Talk to a Therapist

A mental healthcare provider, such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist, can help diagnose and treat social anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), or talk therapy, is one of the most common ways to treat social anxiety. A mental healthcare provider will help you address negative thoughts, reframe them, and develop new ways of reacting in social situations.

A mental healthcare provider can also teach you relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and mindfulness. You can employ these techniques in exposure therapy, which places you in situations that cause you anxiety.

11. Try Breathing Strategies

Deep breathing is a relaxation technique that helps lower your blood pressure and heart rate. You can employ deep breathing in social situations to relax and reduce symptoms.

Here's one method to practice deep breathing:

• Retreat to a quiet area and then sit still or lie down.
• Rest one hand on your stomach, the other over your heart.
• Slowly inhale. You'll feel your stomach rise.
• Hold your breath for a few counts, and then slowly exhale. You'll feel your stomach fall.

12. Wait It Out

Do not beat yourself up if you try everything and still feel anxious. Take 15–20 minutes for yourself, and keep in mind that anxious feelings will go away. Knowing these feelings will pass can be helpful to some degree.

When To Contact a Healthcare Provider

It's important to contact a healthcare provider if social anxiety interferes with your everyday life. Reach out to a mental healthcare provider if your anxiety affects your ability to go to school or work or maintain relationships.

Support groups, social skills training, and exposure therapy can help alleviate social anxiety. Exposure therapy puts you in the very situation you are dreading, helping you build up from thinking about the event to actually experiencing it. CBT can treat severe cases of social anxiety alone or in combination with medication.

A Quick Review

Social anxiety is one of the most common anxiety disorders. You may have overwhelming negative thoughts about how people perceive you, especially in large crowds. Common social anxiety triggers include dating, meeting new people, and public speaking. 

Try some of these tips for overcoming social anxiety: counter negative thoughts, identify triggers, and try breathing strategies. It can be difficult to cope with social anxiety, so take it step-by-step. Reach out to a support group or mental healthcare provider if social anxiety affects your everyday life.

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