What I Wish I Knew About Romantic Relationships With Ulcerative Colitis

Navigating the dating scene is hard enough—doing so while living with a chronic digestive disease like ulcerative colitis (UC) can feel scary. For the first six or so years after I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, I tried my best to hide that part of my life in every way possible, especially when it came to dating and romantic relationships. Eventually, I decided to stop hiding and share my honest reality with my romantic interest at the time, who is now my husband. 

Once I opened up about what I really go through, the medications I need to take, the symptoms I experience, and the mental health toll it all takes, I felt like a weight had been lifted. It felt so good to not hide anymore.

It was empowering and life-changing that after sharing about my UC, my partner still liked me, found me beautiful, and didn’t look down upon me. Quite literally, the opposite happened. My partner saw my strength through my struggles. The more I educated my partner and shared what was really going on, the closer we became and the more compassionate, understanding, and accommodating he became. 

Here is what I wish I had known decades ago about having romantic relationships when you have ulcerative colitis and what I want people with UC to know now:  

Don’t Be Afraid To Share Your Lived Experience

The right person for you will listen, want to learn, and aim to support you. They can’t help you or support you in the way you need if they don’t know what you are dealing with. If you share about your condition and they are scared off, then they were not worthy of your love anyway. 

Sharing your lived experience and standing strong in the power of your story and what you have been through is helpful in building a strong foundation in any type of relationship, especially a romantic one. 

Share when you are ready. However, keep in mind sometimes our bodies will decide when we need to share. For example, I had to share about my need for retention enemas with my partner before I felt ready to share. My body needed the medication and so, even though I didn’t want to share at that time, I had to. Unless your body forces your hand at sharing, share what you want, when you want. 

I found it helpful to also educate my partner about my disease so he better understood me and what I face on a day-to-day basis.

When I stopped hiding, I grew more confident and felt closer and more supported by my partner.

Love With Ulcerative Colitis Is Possible

I have met many people with ulcerative colitis over the years through my efforts as a patient advocate/educator. Too many times I have heard people say they have given up on love, and it simply breaks my heart.

I understand how scary and discouraging dating can be—especially with UC, it is easy to feel unworthy or like nobody has the compassion required to be with us. But we can’t let the doubt and past bad experiences stop us from putting ourselves out there and believing the right person will show us the kindness and love we all deserve. Don’t give up. 

I know many people with UC who are in happy, healthy, romantic relationships of various types, myself included. I met the love of my life unexpectedly at the grocery store in 2016. We have been together eight years and have been married almost three years. Everything is not gumdrops and rainbows; we have been through hard times, through sick times and healthier times, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

The Right Person Will Love All of You 

The right person for you will love and respect you no matter what happens with your ulcerative colitis. Not only that, but they will also support you, encourage you, and be there for you every step of the way. 

If you are met with disgust, disrespect, or anything less than compassion, that is solely a reflection of that person and NOT a reflection of you. If you encounter that, keep it moving. You deserve love and respect. 

You Can Have an Amazing Love Life

Intimacy is not one-size-fits-all. Everyone has their own needs when it comes to intimacy and sexual experiences. Honestly, UC does get in the way sometimes. When UC is in the way, that’s when it is even more critical to communicate with your partner about what you are going through and adjust to find what works for you both. 

I want you to know that it is possible to experience euphoric levels of love, intimacy, and connection while living with UC. A few things that help improve intimacy with UC is to discover what you need, communicate your needs with your partner, and not be afraid to think outside the box.