How To Help Someone With Chronic Pain

You can help someone with chronic pain by communicating with them, educating yourself, and showing compassion. Chronic pain can feel frustrating and isolating, so it's important to listen to and believe people with painful symptoms.

Chronic pain, which lasts more than six months or for an extended period of time after an illness or injury subsides, can be present in the morning when you wake up and in the evening when you go to bed. This constant but unwelcome companion might take a toll on your relationships with family members, friends, and partners. You may struggle to understand each other's perspectives on the pain. 

Misunderstanding the pain your partner or loved one is enduring can lead to significant relationship problems. Read on to learn how you can help people cope with chronic pain.

Effect on Daily Life

Chronic pain, which is pain that lasts more than six months, can interfere with daily life. It's normal for physical discomfort to cause frustration and stress. You might want to isolate yourself from others. This negative attitude can affect your perception of pain and worsen symptoms.

You may consider suggesting that your loved one talk to a mental health specialist if chronic pain impacts their school, work, or relationships. They can recommend ways to manage and cope with painful symptoms.

Supporting Someone With Chronic Pain

Chronic pain can have a negative effect on relationships. One partner or loved one might be skeptical about the source or the severity of the pain. The other person may feel that they aren't receiving the proper understanding and support.

People who have chronic illnesses desire support from their loved ones. It's essential to show compassion to your family member, friend, or partner with chronic pain. This support can alleviate negative feelings.

You can provide support without encouraging catastrophizing. This phenomenon happens if someone fixates on negative feelings. Catastrophizing can worsen chronic pain and strain relationships.

Ways a Partner Can Help 

It's important to act before things worsen if you sense that chronic pain is negatively affecting your relationship. Here are a few ways you can provide support for your partner or loved one with chronic pain.

1. Believe Them

A partner or loved one can be more prone to respond in an angry fashion than a more supportive one if they don't believe in the diagnosis. This cycle of resentment, aversion, and unmet expectations can infect every aspect of a relationship. 

There are misconceptions that people with chronic pain exaggerate their symptoms. Some people believe they don't want to complete tasks or want sympathy. It's important to know that chronic pain can last for several months and impact your loved one's life. Know they're not exaggerating, and believe them when they tell you they're in pain. Some people with chronic pain may be good at masking the pain, or making it seem like they are not in pain, even though they are.

2. Communicate

Communication between partners is essential to prevent pain from interfering in a relationship. It goes both ways: People who are in pain also need to listen to their partners and loved ones and make an effort to understand how they're feeling.

Keep lines of communication open with your partner and understand that both of you may have issues with fairness. It doesn't seem fair to have to struggle with pain, but watching a loved one struggle with pain is another kind of burden.

Couples therapy is another option. In a study published in 2020, researchers discovered that participants preferred couples therapy for distress arising from pain and relationships. It can allow couples to talk openly and without defensiveness about how the pain has changed their lives.

3. Educate

Consider treatment as a joint effort. Both people can try to learn as much as they can about the condition and attend appointments together to learn about options for treatment. You can use this knowledge to understand your loved one's condition. This information can also allow you to advocate for them in a healthcare setting.

4. Encourage Self-Care

You can help your partner or loved one practice self-care, which alleviates negative feelings. Encourage them to practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or yoga. They might connect with friends, join a support group of others with the same condition, or try a new hobby.

5. Have Compassion

Chronic pain can often be categorized as an "invisible illness," meaning the person in your life affected by chronic illness looks outwardly healthy. It can be difficult to cope with internal symptoms. They might not understand their condition entirely if they don't know the cause of chronic pain.

These situations can be upsetting for your partner or loved one, so it's important to show compassion. Words of encouragement and support can let them know you see their challenges.

6. Help With Everyday Tasks

Learn to what extent your partner or loved one in pain can help with housework and physical tasks. You can show your support by helping them out, such as putting away the dishes, taking out the trash, or taking care of their pet.

7. Let Go of Guilty Feelings

You may feel guilty if you're unable to help your partner or loved one in pain entirely. Try helping out and supporting as much as you can, but don't feel like you need to fix their condition. Don't blame yourself if your partner has a flare-up.

8. Support Healthy Habits

Encourage your partner or loved one to eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep. It's also helpful for both partners to hear a professional opinion on how much exercise and movement is healthy for the person with pain.

Moderate physical activity can actually lessen the pain associated with some conditions. Try doing gentle exercises or stretches with your partner.

A Quick Review

Chronic pain is pain that lasts more than six months or remains present for a period of time after an illness or injury is no longer active. Painful symptoms can feel frustrating and isolating, taking a toll on physical and mental health.

It's important to show compassion for family members, friends, and partners with chronic pain. You can help people with chronic pain by communicating with them and educating yourself. Try helping them practice self-care and form healthy habits.