What To Say to Someone Who's Depressed

What do you say to someone who's depressed? All too often, it's the wrong thing.

Below is a list of helpful things to tell someone who has depression, followed by what not to say, including information about depression and other ways to show support.

1. "You're Not Alone in This"

This statement lets someone know you are there for them and can be counted on for support. It conveys that you care about their experience even if you do not have depression yourself.

What NOT To Say: "There's always someone worse off than you are."

This type of comment invalidates someone's experience and can make them feel guilty. Making struggles a competition is not helpful.

2. "You Are Important to Me"

This sentiment lets them know they matter to you and that you care about how they are doing.

What NOT To Say: "No one ever said that life was fair."

Depression is a mental health condition. It's not a choice or due to a person complaining about their life.

3. "Do You Want a Hug?"

Offering a hug shows you want to help. Use this gesture as a bridge to finding other ways to offer support.

What NOT To Say: "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

This type of response does not help and will likely make the person feel worse than they already do.

4. "Depression Is Real"

Validating their experience offers reassurance and let's them know they aren't "going crazy."

What NOT To Say: "So you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

This is an unproductive question that can feel undermining.

5. "There Is Hope"

This sentiment can help someone feel hope that things will get better. You can also share this related thought: "We are not on this Earth to see through one another, but to see one another through."

What NOT To Say: "Try not to be so depressed."

People can't just tell themselves not to be depressed. Expecting them to do so puts even more pressure on them to get well, which typically takes time and treatment.

6. "You Can Survive This"

This statement shares the idea that "When all this is over, I'll still be here and so will you."

What NOT To Say: "It's your own fault."

Blaming someone for their depression is hurtful and not going to help them.

7. "I'll Do My Best To Understand"

This lets them know that while you may not be able to understand exactly what they're feeling, you are here to listen and offer your compassion.

What NOT To Say: "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."

This statement discounts the severity of their condition. Depression isn't a passing feeling.

8. "I Care About You"

Simply telling someone you care about them and love them (say this only if you mean it) helps someone feel loved, seen, and cared for.

What NOT To Say: "Haven't you grown tired of all this 'me, me, me' stuff yet?"

A question like this is likely to feel hurtful and dismissive.

9. "We'll Get Through This Together"

This sentiment lets someone know you care they are struggling and will stick by them. You can also let them know that you will take care of yourself so they don't need to worry that their pain will hurt you or your relationship.

What NOT To Say: "Have you tried chamomile tea?"

This type of comment trivializes the complexity and depth of pain that often characterizes depression.

What Is Depression?

Depression is a common mood disorder that impacts how a person feels and thinks. This mental health condition can affect many parts of daily life, including energy level, sleep, work, eating, enjoyment of activities, personal relationships, and family life.

To be diagnosed with depression, a person must experience symptoms of the mood disorder nearly every day for two weeks. Some signs include sadness, anxiousness, hopelessness, guilt, or "empty" mood. People with depression may be irritable, lose interest in pleasurable hobbies or activities, and experience physical changes such as pain, insomnia, and unexpected weight loss or gain. In severe cases, a person may have thoughts of death or suicide.

Other Ways To Support Someone With Depression

There are many ways to help a person with depression. Firstly, ask the person what kind of support they could use. For example, they might want to watch a movie together, or it might be helpful if you could run a few errands for them. Other ways to show support include the following:

• Be patient. It can take time for depression to lift.
• Encourage them to seek care from a medical provider. Medications, therapy, or other healthcare interventions can help.
• Keep offering your support and showing up for the person
• Listen to them without trying to fix everything
• Offer meals, help with chores, childcare, or other ways of reducing their stress
• Remind them that you love them, always
• Take them on a walk—just getting outside and doing physical activity can help
  

A Quick Review

It can be hard to know exactly what to say to support someone who has depression. It's important to use care with your words. Generally, speak from the heart and with compassion. Even just listening and showing up can be great ways to offer support. Know that there isn't a magic fix, so it may take a while for the person to come out of a depression—and they may resist your support. However, keep trying.

Contact a medical provider for them or encourage them to do so, if you or they have any questions about depression and accessing support.